A man with a very large penis walks into a doctor’s office
Edit: it’s been pointed out to me, and I agree, that this joke is way too long.
Sorry, I got a bit carried away. The punchline may not be worth the investment of time.
After he’s all checked in and his HIPAA forms are all signed, the doctor sits him down and asks what the problem is.
“D-d-d-doc,” he stammers, “I’ve got this t-t-t-terrible st-st-st-stutter. Can you…?”
“A stutter, eh?” says the doctor. “Let’s see what we can do about that. I’m going to examine you, and we’ll see what we see.“
With that, the doctor gives him a very thorough physical examination from head to toe. When he’s done, he sits down, sighs, and shakes his head.
“I think I see what the problem is. Your penis is much too big.”
“P-p-p-pardon me?”
“Your penis. It’s too big. You see, when the penis is especially large and heavy, it pulls down on the skin of the abdomen, which pulls down on the skin of the chest, which pulls down on the skin of the
throat, which can compress the vocal cords and induce spasticity, resulting in a stutter.”
“I s-s-s-see. So what can we d-d-d-do?”
“Fortunately for you, there’s a brand new procedure that I think would help you. We surgically remove most of the shaft of your penis, then we graft the head of the penis back onto the remaining stump,
leaving you with a penis that is fully functional and sensile but not so heavy as to make you stutter. What do you say? Shall we get you on the schedule for surgery?
Horrified, the man mumbles something about needing some time to consider it and goes home to think. Give up part of his penis? No way, no how, ain’t gonna happen. Not even to cure his stutter, it’s just not worth it.
But then he starts to have second thoughts. After all, it’s not like his penis is getting much use, is it? His stutter makes him useless with women. Whenever he tries to talk to one, she either bursts
out laughing or turns away in disgust. He hasn’t gotten laid in a very, very long time, and as long as he keeps stuttering it seems likely that he never will again. So he calls the doctor and reluctantly agrees to the surgery.
The day of the surgery, the anesthesiologist puts him under, and he wakes up in the recovery room to see the doctor standing over him. “How do you feel?” the doctor asks.
“Fine, I guess,” the man replies. “A little sore, maybe, but… HEY! My stutter, it’s gone! Completely, totally gone! I can’t believe it! Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers! Oh, thank you, doctor! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
The man checks out of the hospital with a big smile on his face, and that very night he goes out and starts hitting the bars and clubs. And at first, he’s very successful. He’s got a quick wit and a dapper style that the girls find irresistible, and he goes home with a different woman every night.
But these encounters don’t go very well. Virtually every woman he brings back to his place seems very disappointed when he takes off his pants, and a few even break into laughter at the sight of him. And nobody ever, ever wants to come back for seconds. After a few weeks of this, he starts to become despondent and wonders whether the decision to have the surgery was wise. So he goes back to see the doctor again.
“Doc,” he says, “I’m really starting to wonder if I made the right call about the surgery. The quality of my life has gotten worse, not better. Is there anything we could.