A woman walks into a pharmacy… She goes up to the counter and the Pharmacist asks, “May I help you? “Yes please,” she says. “I’d like some Arsenic” “What do you want that for?” asks the Pharmacist. “I’m going to kill my husband.” She replies. “I can’t give you that!” […]
Two 90-year-olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself: My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been […]
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m […]
A man is obsessed with trains. A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people… At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death. Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, […]
This guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before […]
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off He asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday. ‘I’d like to be twelve again’, she replied, Still looking in the mirror. On […]
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for […]
Three hookers are sitting in a bar It’s a quiet Tuesday evening and to kill time waiting for customers they’re chatting about their experience. The brunette goes first “I can fit a 12″er and still have room for a finger or two”, she proudly claims. The redhead scoffs, “that’s nothing, […]
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three […]
A couple on their first date decide to go to his place afterwards When they arrive, before he even gets the house keys out of his pocket, the girl says: “You know, I can actually tell whether the man I’m dating and I are compatible based on how he opens […]
